"Boogie woogie, woogie"!
Last week, I presented to you an imaginary conversation that happened with my parents. In reality, they don't talk Ghetto at all. Truth be told, they lean more towards trailer talk if you get my drift. Not that there's anything wrong with living in a trailer, I'm just sayin'!
Anyway, I told you to imagine them sitting on their sofa with the sofa arm flipped down for their cokes. I added, at the end, that I was only joking. Really, I thought I was. My Mom commented or called me that day to tell me that her sofa really does have that feature. So when I went down this past weekend, I brought my camera, of course! Well, not only does that middle cushion flip down, but you also can push buttons that make the entire sofa vibrate. Listen, I'm laughing so hard right now. And I was in hysterics at my Mom's. It was just too much to handle. I had no idea that my parents actually plugged their sofa into a wall.
By the way, she's selling it if anyone want to buy it. Lord knows what the next sofa will do. Any guesses?
So anyway, after I composed myself, I hung out a little bit with her and my Aunt Pam B. in the kitchen. And look what my Mom offered me.
Home made Peanut Butter Eggs.
Actually, these were made by the local church. Those damn Methodists have been making my hometown fat since 1842! And it doesn't look like there about to stop anytime soon. These bad-boy P.B. Egss are larger than ever. I think they biggie-sized them just to sabotage my diet . It's probably payback for skateboarding in their parking lot in the early 80s. I remember that organist giving me the evil-eye from the church window. It's her doing! I just know it!
Anyway, I resisted. Believe me, it took everything I had in me not to scarf them all down. And when my Mom knew that I wasn't going to cave in on the chocolates, she brought out the big guns.
It's not jalapeno but I'm not complaining!
On a different subject but also concerning my Mom, she said that my posts are becoming dirty. She said that I'm starting to sound like I'm writing soft porn. Which is sort of offensive because although I don't read soft porn, I bet it's not funny and never mentions Peanut Butter eggs. Although there could be chapters dedicated to vibrating sofas and cheese-whiz. I don't know! So maybe my Mom is right!
Anyway, she has a lot of nerve calling me pornographic. Seriously, she was no Methodist church organist when I was growing up! I think her memory's failing her these days. Bless her heart.(Hey Lauren)! Maybe she thinks of herself as a former Nun. Maybe she was! Although how many Nuns have you seen walking around town in a mini-skirt and high-heeled converse all-stars? I know, you think I'm joking, but she really did have high-heeled sneakers. And some buck-toothed biker-chick, who lived with us for a few months, stole them. My Mom still brings that up. Gail better hope that my Mom never runs into her white-trash ass again!
Gail and me. My fro was far-out!
Anyway, here's a video that I made of my Mom and Sister a billion years ago.
Okay, so I lied. That's not my Mom. Sue me! My Mom actually has dark hair. But I just wanted you to get an idea of my home-town and the grandmother of my children.
So although I might get a little naughty(just for laughs), I think she would agree that I could be way worse considering... My memory is pretty good when it comes to these sort of things. And when I can't remember something, I just pull out her photo albums, that I have, and it all comes flowing back.
Have a good weekend!
My Mom's son, m.
p.s. Wish me luck. I have 172 cases of Girl-Scout cookies, in my garage, that I have to sort through today.
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